Was it good for you?

Are you good in bed? Do you boast of your sexual prowess and about how you make all the ladies have multiple orgasms? Do you beat yourself up after a sexual experience because you feel like your partner was dissatisfied with how things went? Are you any good at fucking? Well, are you? How do you even know? Some people will tell you, "Oh, yeah, that was fantastic!" as you're walking out the door, but they can't slam the door hard enough after you pass the threshold. 

How can you even tell if you're good in bed? What makes a good sex partner? Personally, I don't think someone can simply state that they're good or bad, for the most part. You could be considered fantastic by one person and a total bore to another. It's all about compatibility. Again, for the most part. 

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If you are into the same things that your partner is into, and you are both game to do whatever will please your partner, then you'll both likely be considered a good fuck by one another. If, however, one of you is, say, into rough sex, and the other likes something closer to intimate love making, well, you're both likely to be disappointed. Or maybe one of you will be disappointed if you're the one who decides to compromise, or sacrifice your needs for your partner's. If you take one for the team, and abandon all hope of being tied up, spanked, and abused, and allow yourself to just have someone make sweet, sweet love to you, then they may be happy, but you'll be bored. Does this make either one of you a bad lay, though? No. It makes you incompatible. 

There are a few things that can help make for a better sexual experience. Communication, for one, is probably the most important. You need to talk to your partner about what it is that you want, expect, need. This can mean a conversation before the act in which you discuss some of your kinks, or, if you're a gay man, you'll want to discuss if you're a top or a bottom. You can talk about fantasies or just what all you're into. Do you like oral? Do you like having your hair pulled? Want to be pegged? Is spanking out of the question? What about safe words? 

Sure, not all of this can be discussed right off the bat, but you can discuss as much of it as you are comfortable with. It's also possible to discuss this shit in the form of dirty talk. You can do some of it while in the act, especially during foreplay. "You like that, huh? You like it when I pound your ass like that? Want me to spank you? Hmm?" The more comfortable you are with this, the more you'll be able to discuss it so you'll know what one another's expectations are. 

Maybe you like giving and receiving oral sex but your partner doesn't. Are you okay with this? Is that a deal-breaker? Reciprocation can be an important element when with someone. Sometimes you have to compromise on some things because, hey, you're not going to have a lot of luck in finding someone who is 100% compatible with you. You may find someone who is closer to 80% and that person may not like some activities that you do. You have to decide how important those acts are. If you really, really need a guy to eat your pussy, or you really fucking want to piss on your partner while they sing the Star-Spangled Banner, and they're not up for it, then you may want to bid them adieu. Wish them luck on their future sexual conquests. Similarly, if your partner wants to do things that you're not into, it's perfectly okay to say, "Yeah, no thanks." Just because your partner wants to rub peanut butter and jelly on their genitals and have you eat it off of them with chopsticks, doesn't mean you have to do so. You can say, "Nah, I'm not really into that." But, you know, having an open mind can go a long way.  

Be open to trying new things, within reason. Sure, whatever is being suggested to you may not sound all that appealing, but will it harm you? Will it be a total turn off, or will it just be unarousing? Sometimes we do things which please our partners even though we're not all that into it. For example, I've been with a few guys who wanted me to be aggressive with them. My natural demeanor isn't all that aggressive, and I tend to lean more towards being a nice guy. If the guy I'm with wants me to manhandle him, though, it doesn't hurt me to do so. It's just not particularly arousing for me. If he wants me to abuse him in some fashion, like berating him, or hurling slurs and insults at him, then we might be crossing into an area where my comfort level has been breached. I'll accommodate many kinks and interests, but I do have my limits. I will not be shitting on your chest, for example. I won't judge you for enjoying a steaming pile of feces on your pecs, but it's not my thing. I also won't be pissing on you, mostly because I'm pee shy. 

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Being selfish is one thing which will surely cause most people to view you as a terrible lay. If you feel like the experience is all about you and your orgasm and you do nothing to get your partner off, or even just end the whole event once you've had an orgasm, that person will likely never fuck you again. Worse yet, they'll talk to others about how bad you were in bed and you'll find it more and more difficult to get laid.

Don't make it all about you. If your partner is stimulating you, do something in return. Don't just lay there. Well, actually, sometimes it's perfectly fine to just lay there, especially if that's what your partner wants. Like, if they're performing oral on you and they want you to just lay back, relax, and enjoy it, then that's fantastic. Eventually, though, they may enjoy you doing the same with them. If you just cum and go, well, you may be viewed as a bit of an asshole, unless that was the arrangement all along, that you would just blow your load and then get up and leave.

Expecting your partner to do all the work is a surefire way to make them resent you. I've been with several guys who were completely focused on their own orgasm and once that was achieved they were completely done. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there wondering about when I'm gonna get some attention. Thanks, asshole! 

Communicate with your partner about what you want, need, and expect. Reciprocate as much as possible and be open to trying new things in order to help facilitate that reciprocation. And don't be a selfish asshole who is solely concerned with their own orgasm and nothing else. These are the things that will make you good in bed, assuming the two of you are compatible.

Oh, one last thing... Guys, your dick is not a magic sex wand. There is more to sex than sticking your cock in a wet hole repeatedly, leaving a gooey deposit, and then zipping up your pants. I don't care if your partner is a woman or a man, you need to have more techniques under your belt than thrusting. Oral and manual stimulation are often needed. Passionately making out before, during, and after sex is awesome too. Body contact, cuddling, etc. It's all good. Going to pound-town is great as sort of the main course for you, but your partner may need some side dishes to satiate their appetite. And you ladies need to remember that you can do more than just lay there and get fucked. Be an active participant. Sex is a two-person job. Sometimes three... or four... or twenty. When sex is a one person job, it's just masturbation.