"Why do you have a bag over your head?" - Faceless Fuckers

Every time I use Grindr or any other sort of dating or hookup app, I'm confronted with a plethora of headless torso pics; images of scenery; photos of walls, ceilings, plants, pets, cars, cartoon characters, or just plain blank spaces where their profile pic should be, interspersed among all of the regular profile photos. It's rather annoying.

When I go onto these apps, I have very limited information to help me decide who I should contact and who I should skip right past. There's a headline, a mini-bio or About section, and some stats, and, if I'm lucky, a face pic. Hell, I'm lucky if any of that information is filled in. 

If I open up most of these dating apps, the first thing I'll see is a wall of profile pics. I have to scroll through all of these and see who catches my eye. With a large number of these, that's pretty easy. Their face will be right there staring me right in the face. This is so convenient! It's like going to a bar or club and looking around the room and seeing who piques my interest. 

But then there's that guy in the bar or club who, for some fucking reason, has a bag over his head. He's walking around the room with no shirt on, sidling up to other guys, and asking "Sup?" or saying "Hey" to them. The person to which he's speaking then looks him up and down, and with a puzzled expression on their own face, asks to see his. Because, who wants to talk to a guy with a bag over his head? That would be insane. Right?

Personally, I wouldn't want to waste my time talking to someone if I have no idea what they look like. If you add to that a lack of knowing their age, height, or weight, then I really feel like I'm wasting my time. I have no idea if I would be attracted to this person, or not. He, however, knows that he's attracted to me. He can plainly see my face, and can see how old I am, as well as my other stats. Lucky him! He's got the advantage here. Me? I get to talk to a bag-head. Awesome! 

"Would you mind taking the bag off of your head?"
"Sorry, I'm discreet."
"That's fine, but, if we're gonna talk, I'd like to see who I'm talking to."
"Well, I don't want anyone to see me on here."
"I understand that, but why should I talk to you? I don't even know if I would be attracted to you."
"I'm good looking."
"So says you..."
"Just get to know me first."
"Hmm... Nah. I think I'll pass."
"Fuck you!"

Adam & Eve 160x600

Okay, I get it. It would be absurd to think that a dude would walk into a club, wearing a bag over his head, and expect for anyone to take him seriously. But, apparently, this is perfectly okay on dating apps. They'll hide their face and give all sorts of excuses why they don't want to upload it. They're discreet, they'll say. Which, to me, translates to "I'm cheating on my partner." Sometimes it translates to "I'm so far in the closet that I can't even find the door." Other guys and gals will give the excuse that they don't want their employers or clients to see them. See them doing what? Dating? Oh, the humanity!

I know, not everyone on those apps is just looking to date. Some are looking to fuck. Fine. That doesn't make it any less annoying to have to ask you for your fucking picture. Or, worse yet, argue with you and try to convince you to send me your picture. After talking to you for 20 minutes, only to have you eventually send me your photo and see that I'm not attracted to you, makes me rather annoyed. Yes, it's superficial. Welcome to the real world, where most people are first attracted to people based on their appearance. 

Now I'm stuck in the awkward position, after talking to you for 20 minutes, of having to choose between telling you "No, thanks," or suddenly going silent, or blocking you. None of which are any fun. Had I saw your photo in the beginning, I could have saved us both a lot of trouble and awkwardness. 

Don't you think it's a bit rude that you can see my face and all of my profile information right off the bat, but I get to see nothing? That doesn't strike you as a bit douchey? What is it you're hiding, anyway?

Worse yet, though, are the people who, not only don't show their face, but, instead, upload photos of scenery, cars, cartoon characters, and shit. For a while, I wondered why it was that people did this. Then I realized that it's to get past your filter settings. If you set your filters to only show you profiles with photos, theirs will still show up. Basically, these are the people who shove their foot in your door as you're trying to close it so that they can get their opening line in. Fucking douchebags. 

I hate having to talk to people without faces. I really do. You're a waste of my time, and I'm always a bit leery of you. You're sneaky, and I don't like it. And, really, I don't give a shit if you have a legitimate excuse for not having a profile pic up. You're annoying. About the only time that I'll excuse it is when you contact me first and your first or second message to me includes your face pic. At least then you're being somewhat considerate. Everyone else can fuck off.