No Anal Sex in a Gay Relationship

I asked some Facebook friends for an idea of what I could write about for my next post here. I received this response from a straight friend who was curious about how gay sex might work if neither of the two men in a gay couple was interested in being penetrated.

I know that anal sex isn’t for everyone, some people’s sphincters are just too tight for them to enjoy it etc. So when gay men have sex, do some just abstain from penetration completely? Do some just learn to like it so they can be penetrated? I imagine it would be frustrating being limited to one hole to be penetrated in when that hole just is too small/tight to be used.
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Many men don't like to be penetrated, myself included. I've tried it on two occasions and neither were anything to rave about. The first time ended up being with a hookup who, when we were discussing meeting up, we both neglected to discuss who was a top and who was a bottom, so when we met up, we decided to "flip-flop," meaning we'd both take a turn at bottoming (the Top, being the one who inserts his penis into the Bottom's anus). When it came to be my turn, I was unprepared for it, he went too deep and too hard, and too fast. When I asked him to slow down, and even stop, he didn't. This amounts to rape. The second time I tried it I was drunk and asked the guy I was with to fuck me. I wanted to try it with someone I trusted more. He obliged, and it was pretty non-arousing for me. I got nothing out of it. He might as well have been massaging my elbow. I've also tried toys in the past, and they did nothing for me as well. It just isn't something I'm into. However, if I were in a relationship with a guy who was versatile, I'd probably let him penetrate me, if that's what he wanted, in the interest of keeping him happy. But, since it does nothing for me, I don't do it when hooking up. 

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For couples where neither guy likes to be penetrated, for whatever reason, they will sometimes simply engage in oral sex, handjobs, and anything other than anal sex. In other cases, they may have an open relationship where they'll seek out a third party who is a bottom, and they'll both fuck him. This could be a situation in which they both play together with a third party, or they could have an arrangement where they independently seek out others to have sex with.

I suspect that it's fairly rare to have a case where you have two exclusive tops being in a relationship together. From just my observations alone, it's more common for gay guys to be bottoms, or versatile, meaning that they like both topping and bottoming. Even those who are versatile tend to more often be interested in bottoming. So, what you're more likely to have a problem with, in a gay relationship, is two bottoms being together, and neither one being interested in topping. The solution, though, is similar to what I stated above: agree to not have anal sex or use toys, instead. 

There are those, though, who will basically switch up their normal routine, and become a top if they used to be a bottom, or become a bottom when they were a top before. Or they'll both compromise and take one for the team, as I suggested I would do if I were with someone who also liked to top. 

If I were to date another exclusive top, like myself, we'd either have to have an arrangement where we would both bottom once in a while, or we'd have to agree to just stick to oral, and everything other than receiving a cock in our asses. I wouldn't agree to bottom if he wouldn't do the same. And if he expected me to bottom, without offering to do so himself, I would expect that the relationship wouldn't last. 

Basically, the bottom line is that we typically work around it. There does seem to be the case that bottoms are generally attracted to tops and vice versa. Again, that's just an observation. I don't know if that's actually the case or what. I tend to be attracted to guys who are slightly less butch. This isn't to say that they aren't manly, but they're not the lumberjack sort, either. So, if there's a scale of masculinity to femininity, they'd be somewhere in the middle, or leaning slightly toward the feminine. These guys tend to be either versatile, favoring bottoming or they're strictly bottoms. So, it's rare that I run into another exclusive top. It could also be that us exclusive tops are a rare breed. I don't know. In any case, the problem seems to rarely arise, thankfully.