Dating is exhausting. I don't feel like I'm good at it. It feels like it's an extended job interview which lasts for months, rather than an hour in an office. During the dating process, there seems to be a lot of pressure to find date-like things to do, which are romantic, or some shit, and it's all a bunch of activities which you are unlikely to do once you're actually an official couple.
In an ideal world, dating would be like hanging out with friends. When you make a new friend, it's not high pressure. You don't feel like you're looking for faults in one another. You just hang out because you get along well. Dating, however, seems to be less about looking for how you're compatible, and more about looking for what's wrong with one another. Basically, you're just looking for deal breakers. No, thanks, to that.
I recently met a young man and we seemed to hit it off pretty damn well. We enjoyed each others' company and spent a few different days hanging out together. We were basically dating without it feeling like a date. I liked that. I liked the low-pressure nature of it.
In case you're wondering, no, I wasn't dating the man from my previous post. This guy sort of came out of the blue and we hit it off online, then met and hit it off even more. Unfortunately, he ended up being rather conflicted with his Jehovah's Witness upbringing, which views homosexuality as a sin, and he had to tell me that it wasn't going to work out for the two of us.
I really grew to like him, in the short time we had been seeing each other, but I'll respect his choice to go with what his religion teaches, even if I don't feel like it's the most healthy decision. I'm fully aware that nothing I could have said, or done, would have changed his mind, at least not permanently. This is something he'll have to figure out on his own, and he may decide to live a celibate life, or he may find some way to reconcile his religion with his orientation, or he may completely abandon his religion. It's all up to him, though. I can only wish him luck, and lament that things couldn't work out between the two of us.
This is one of the things that I dislike about dating. You get your hopes up, no matter how hard you try not to, and you feel like you've met a nearly perfect potential mate, and the rug gets yanked out from under you. Most commonly it's that the other person just isn't feeling it, or you aren't feeling it, and it all fizzles. In this case, I think we were both feeling we were compatible, but this religion thing stood in the way. For many, religion can be one of those deal-breakers that you have to look out for. Myself, I'm an atheist, but I don't particularly care if a potential partner is religious. I would just want to be sure that he didn't try to convert me, and I would show him the same respect. For some, my atheism would be a deal-breaker, I suppose.
I don't hold a grudge against this guy. I really do wish him the best and I hope he's able to reconcile his religion with his sexuality so that he doesn't have to spend his entire life alone to please his God. As an atheist, it's hard for me to grasp someone doing that. As I said, though, it's his choice. His life. He's got to do what's right for him.
It's so rare that I date. This situation is just one example of why I don't really try to date. If it happens, it happens, but I don't look for it, usually. I opted to date this guy because we hit it off so well. Additionally, he had been reading this blog, which gave him bonus points, in my book, partly because he was interested in my writings, but also because, in reading it, he was made aware of my views on sex and had some knowledge of my sexual history. This saved me the trouble of having to explain to him that I do have a "slutty" history but am monogamy-minded when it comes to dating - a fact which can sometimes scare someone off.
Why dating can't be more like the process of making friends, I don't know. I think that's just what I'm going to push for, though, when I go on dates. No fancy restaurants or romantic trips for me. Just two guys hanging out together, doing random shit that we both like to do while having an interest in one another which is more than just friendship-based. That seems ideal to me. So, if you're looking to date me, flaws and all, and have read through this blog and still feel like I'm someone you could put up with, then expect some very low-key dates of sitting around doing nothing, hikes, walks through parks, movies, or simple restaurants which don't bust your budget. Basically, the shit I already do with friends or alone, but would enjoy doing with a significant other. Apply within, if interested.