Airing Your Dirty Laundry

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It could be argued that I air my dirty laundry on here, telling you all a bit too much about my personal life, maybe. Though, really, I've only done that a couple of times, and it was mainly for your benefit and amusement, and partly at the expense of my dignity. 

Recently the spouse of a family member of mine decided to post to her Facebook Wall that my family member, my cousin, had been chatting with someone online and there was some suspicion as to the intent behind the communication, and the arrangements being made with that person. Reading this post on Facebook was uncomfortable for me because, well, she was talking about my cousin, and I'm only hearing her side of the story. 

I took a screenshot of her post and I sent it to my cousin because I wasn't sure if she had filtered it so that he wouldn't know that she had posted it, or not, and I felt that he should know. The awkward thing about this is that he's family and, whether he's in the wrong or not, my loyalties lie with him to some degree. If things end between the two of them, he'll still be in my life and she will not. 

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I already know he's no saint. At one point when his wife contacted me to ask me about some woman that he had been talking to, and had claimed I knew, I told her the name didn't sound familiar, and then I proceeded, stupidly, to tell her that the circumstances by which he started dating her (his wife, the one to whom I am speaking), were suspect as well. She didn't know what I meant and I explained that the gap in time between him leaving his previous girlfriend and moving in with her was very short. She told me that she had been told that he and his girlfriend had split up. She became pissed off, and started to chew me out for not telling her this before. I explained to her that there was nothing to tell. I only had suspicions and it was none of my business, so I wasn't about to bring unsubstantiated suspicions to her attention because, for all I knew, she already knew what had been going on. 

Seeing things from outside of the relationship, as a third party, leaves you with a skewed, biased view of what's going on. You typically only hear one side of the story, and you don't know how much of it is fact, or fiction, or just miscommunication, or an error in understanding something. I generally try to reserve judgment, and always avoid getting involved.

There are a few things which make it hard to reserve judgment for either party in this case. Her story for how she came about seeing these messages was a bit suspect: She was working in the garden, then got a runny nose and went inside to get a Kleenex, and saw that he was still logged into Facebook (but had left), and had been chatting with someone, then read the chat conversation. 

Here's the problem with that: That's an awful lot of unnecessary details, which leads me to believe she was trying to justify going into his office just to check his computer. I happen to also know that his monitor shuts off due to inactivity, so it's unlikely that she would just notice that he was chatting with someone. But, let's say you do glance at someone's computer and see that they are chatting with someone... Well, typically, you just walk away. Instead, she sat down and read it. So, I'm calling bullshit on her story. She was checking up on him. Now, to be fair, she seems to have had a reason to, but why not just admit that you were snooping, instead of lying and acting as though you just stumbled upon this discovery? 

I do know my cousin, and, as I said, he's no saint. He's denied doing anything with this other gal, but I would expect him to do no less. Really, though, it's none of my business. None of it. I wish he'd behave himself, if he is up to no good, because I hate to see a relationship fall apart, and I hate to see the laundry dragged through the mud, with their mutual friends commenting about what a jerk he's being, without even hearing his side. 

Just a side note, and this might be important, but he's been telling me for a while now that they never have sex. Ever. Now, if you refuse to have sex with your husband, what is he supposed to do? Similarly, if you refuse to have sex with your wife, what is she supposed to do? Should your partner remain celibate for the rest of their life? Maybe, under these circumstances it's time to consider opening the relationship up. Sex is important to people, and when it's denied from one partner by the other partner, you have a sexual incompatibility. That's usually one cause for a relationship to fail. It's certainly a cause for infidelity. 

Am I blaming her? Honestly? A little bit. I think most relationships that fail have some degree of blame on both (all?) parties. Maybe not every time, but a fair number of times, I can imagine it is. From what he told me, she never explained why she didn't want to have sex, which I imagine added even more to the frustration. And it's not like he changed in appearance over time. He was a big fella when they met, and he's a big fella now. And they weren't together all that long. 

So, now what happens? Well, I'm sure they'll split up and divorce, and he'll be single for a few minutes. Then she'll fade off into the distance from my life, just like his last ex did. 

As for the dirty laundry, it'll probably sit there, stinking up her Facebook Wall for a while, tainting people's views of both of them. They'll see her as someone who will snoop through their spouse's messages, and air their relationship problems on Facebook, and they'll see him as a cheater. Neither of these are great attributes to have. 

And then there's me, over here, airing their dirty laundry on my site. Though I'm not mentioning any names, and I'm kind of anonymous, to some degree. 

Okay, I admit it. I just wanted to vent.