Exclusive Friends with Benefits

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Adam & Eve 160x600

Do people do this?

I was speaking with an intermittent hookup buddy of mine on Grindr a few nights ago. We were just chatting this time around. He tends to pop up on Grindr, message me, and we either chat or hookup, and then he'll end up deleting the app from his phone and he'll disappear for a while. At first I found this frustrating, because I liked talking to him, and Grindr was my only way of communicating with him. I'd add him as a favorite within the app, but that would prove pointless once he uninstalled it. When someone uninstalls that app, those who have been communicating with him don't get informed of their disappearance. At most, they may see an ever-incrementing number next to the line that says how long since they were last seen online. At some point that line just says "Offline." At that point, you know they're gone. 

I was complaining to him how frustrating this was, while also explaining that I respect the fact that he may want to maintain his distance, or privacy, or whatever, and not give other ways of maintaining contact, or at least leave the damn app installed. I mean, I have to complain. It's not like me to just sit there and nod and go, "Yup." I can respect your decisions while saying what a pain in the ass you are. 

Anyways, amidst all of this discussion - and pardon me for seemingly having gone immediately off topic with all of that - he was telling me why he uninstalls the app, and why he doesn't maintain contact with guys: He's not really looking for a relationship. He's also not really against one, either, but he just got out of one a while back. I'm not certain how "just" and "a while back" work in that sentence, either, but just go with it. He just likes to install it when he's horny and/or bored, and he typically finds me and chats me up, which I always appreciate. I like the guy. He's friendly, and he's cute. We don't know each other all that well, but he's pleasant, and that's a big plus. 

I don't remember what all we talked about, but some of the things were about other hookups I've had, or shenanigans I've been up to. I won't go into great detail on those, here, because that would be, yet another derailing. He did seem to like my stories, though, and often interjected with the ubiquitous, "that's hot."

At some point he mentioned how he wants to have a fuck buddy who is exclusive. That struck me as odd. He said that he doesn't like hearing about all the other guys that someone has been with, which prompted me to apologize for detailing all of my stories to him. He assured me that was fine, but he's just looking for someone who is willing to be with him exclusively, but casually. I told him that an exclusive thing like that sounds more like dating to me. I mean, I guess you could have a non-romantic, exclusive friends with benefits situation, but I think it would be short-lived. 

What motivates you to stay monogamous with your partner is your love and respect for them. If you are merely buddies with someone, would you feel compelled to be monogamous. I suspect what would happen would be that either the buddy would develop feelings for him, or the buddy would need to end things with him so that he could date someone else. It just seems like a lot to ask, to ask a fuck buddy, or friend with benefits to be exclusive with you. I've never asked mine to be.

I am kind of the jealous sort, so I may not always want to hear about their other partners. I have a sort of bond with any buddies I have. I do very much enjoy the company of my friends with benefits, even if we only meet for a short time, and as weird as it may seem, I do feel a twinge of jealousy if I hear about them being with anyone else, which seems stupid, considering I've been with others. Being with others has made me think no less of them. 

I only have a few buddies. Of those, only a few are very regular. Some are so intermittent, I'm not sure they could be called friends with benefits any more. I also have some buddies who just turned into regular friends. The sexual chemistry just ran its course for all parties. 

Oh, by the way, out of the blue, and completely unprompted, the guy I was chatting with sent me his phone number, which was nice. I think it shows a degree of trust. I probably won't message him all that much, just out of respect for his need to keep his distance. But it's nice to know that the number is there.