Premature Ejaculation Proclamation

I totally admit that I was attempting to come up with a clever title for this post and, yes, the best I could come up with was some rhyming bullshit, but at least the "proclamation" part isn't just a random word thrown in there in a desperate attempt to create a rhyme, like some pathetic pop star would do in one of their songs. I'll get to why it's an apt choice of words in a while. 

I really wasn't planning on going into details on hookups on here... and I think I still will try to avoid that as much as possible. Why? Well, let's say that you were one of my recent hookups... Lucky you, right? *wink* But, would you want to read about it the next day on here, like some sort of Yelp review?

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There really should be Yelp-style reviews for hookups!

So, no, I won't get into too much of the details, but I sort of feel like I have to because it was the inspiration for this post. If you're reading this, [REDACTED], please forgive me. 

This guy was adorable. Seriously, fucking adorable. I could totally keep him. I don't say that about many guys. He was also very sweet, though a tad bit insecure, it seemed. I have no idea why. Anyways, we had a rather tame encounter, as hookups go, and I knew this going in. We discussed it ahead of time, which is always an excellent plan. Actually, he and I had been talking off and on for months. Up until recently we had been having just friendly chats because he was dating someone. But, it seems that relation-ship sank. Hence our talk turning to sexy-time talk. 

Fast forwarding a bit here, we figured out we're both tops so fucking was not likely to happen, but he didn't completely rule it out. In my head, I did. I was way too tired for that. It was around 5 AM. I don't have that much energy. The plan, though, was that we'd maybe exchange head and have a bit of a frottage. I have never really done the frottage thing, before, but, whatever, I'm game. He's cute. I don't give a shit what we do. 

I get to his place... *knock*knock*knock* He had fallen asleep. Dammit! Luckily, after several attempts and a few messages to him on Grindr, he came to the door. Whew! We went downstairs to his part of the house, I got undressed, he turned out the lights, and we got to making out, which was rather hot. 

So, we're groping each other, kissing, licking, biting each other's lips, etc. I managed to undo the button on his shorts with one hand, which is a feat in and of itself. (I want a fucking medal for that!) And after I wrestle his shorts open, I get my hand down his pants, and we get some more groping going on. It's all some good fun.

More fast forwarding...

Eventually he rolls over on top of me and he's grinding on me as we're making out. I'm rubbing his back and grabbing his ass cheeks, and his head, and more making out... and more fun... Suddenly he stops and gets up, all concerned. And I am completely baffled as to what's going on. He starts looking around for a mess and something to clean it up and I'm wondering what mess.

He then collapses next to me, completely embarrassed. I asked him if he came, or what, and he confirmed that he did. I was oblivious, and told him such. He then resumed looking for a way to clean it up. Mind you, it's pitch black in the room. I couldn't care less about this mess, and just ask him if he wants to continue, or if I should take off, or what?

I'm a reasonable guy. I don't have high expectations with hookups. When the guy I'm with cums, I pretty much assume that we're done, whether or not I have had an orgasm. If he's willing to stick it out and keep going, I consider that a bonus. So, what does this guy do? He sticks it out and keeps on going, like a trooper... sort of. Okay, he gave me a half-hearted hand-job. He did not look like he was into it at all. 

This guy is a young guy - early 20's - so I knew he'd be ready to go again shortly. I just needed to give him a little time. So, I let him do his half-assed handy for a little bit, then I said, "come here" and had him lay on top of me again, and we started making out again. He kept stroking me, but now he was more into it. And he was hard again. Ah, to be young again! Ha!

We were going at this for a while, and he's grinding on me again, and at some point we had to stop and adjust cause I was uncomfortable and felt a pinch, or something. He got up and I brushed my hand against my leg, right where his cock was and it was all wet. I asked him, "Did you cum again?!" He said he hadn't, and he felt it, and we both just assumed it was pre-cum... but again, he was unnecessarily embarrassed. 

I said, "come here" again, we got back to business, and I jerked myself off while he laid on top of me, and we kind of made out, and eventually I had my moment of glory. Weee! 

I got up, got dressed, and all the while he looked uncomfortable and embarrassed, and I kept trying to assure him that I was perfectly fine. Seriously, I don't know how to convince someone of how little I care about this sort of thing. It's not like you can emphatically wave your arms around, screaming "I DON'T CARE." It sends a mixed message. 

Okay, so, why did I give you all of the details? Well, partly to titillate and entertain you; partly for myself, as a reminder, because I did enjoy myself; but mainly so that I could point out a few things in case this ever happens to you. He and I both made some mistakes here, none of which was the premature ejaculation. 

This kind of thing is going to happen. It happens to everyone at some point. Most commonly it happens to younger guys, like him. But, hell, it happened to me just a few months ago. It's not like there's a lot you can do about it, if it's not a chronic occurrence.  If it's happening all the time, there are things you can do to learn to prevent it. If it comes (or cums) as a surprise, what can you do? Well, you fucking roll with it!

When he came, I didn't even notice. Of course, he didn't know that, but maybe when he saw that I was confused about what was going on, he could have just got right back to business and pretended like it didn't happen, instead of the proclamation of its occurrence. The mistake he made was that he stopped everything and then went to grab a towel and was trying to clean up the stain, in the pitch black darkness. We didn't know if it was on me, or on the bed, or what. It was body temperature, so I never felt it. 

We he did try to get back on top of me a few times, I guess he felt the mess, or something, and again stopped to try to clean it up. This caused me to make my mistake, which was to laugh. I kept snickering, which probably didn't make him feel any better. I couldn't help it though. He was soooo worried about something which I thought nothing about. The important part was that he got back into it, and that's what I would recommend. 

If you blow your load too quickly, do not stop everything and spend 10 to 20 minutes apologizing profusely. Simply explain what happened, take care of what you need to take care of, like disposing of a condom, etc., or any quick clean-up, and then jump back into helping out your partner. Yes, I know you won't be into it right at that moment. Tough shit! You've got a duty to perform. The war isn't over just because your little trooper threw up on the battle field. If you're young, or, hell, even if you're my age (43) you'll likely get back in the mood pretty quickly, and you'll be able to resume enjoying the experience. You might not cum again, but you can still have fun. 

His other main mistake was in apologizing and being thoroughly embarrassed over something which is rather natural. First of all, and I should have pointed this out to him at the time, but this just occurred to me, we were messing around for a while before he blew his load. He was grinding away on me for a while, too. It wasn't just a moment or two. So, technically, I don't even think we can call it premature. It was just earlier than my orgasm. Big deal. Apologizing, in and of itself, isn't bad, but he was kind of going overboard with it, which makes me feel bad because he feels bad. 

See, I don't want him to feel bad about any of this. Mostly because there's nothing that he did wrong, per se, that's worthy of him feeling bad. I don't want him beating himself up over something so minor. I don't want him thinking that I had a terrible time, which he kind of did, no matter how much I tried to assure him otherwise. If he thinks that I had a bad time, then he won't have had a good time and it will be a terrible memory, and that ruins it for both of us.

If this happens to you, don't sweat it. Any decent person whom you're with won't give a shit, unless you just pack up your shit and leave, or kick them out. But if you shrug it off and carry on, then bravo! They'll have nothing to complain about, unless they were hoping to swallow your cum, or something. If that was the case, well, I don't know... Boo-fucking-hoo...