Racist or Just a Preference?

Racist or Just a Preference?

It's hotly debated, whether it's racist or not to have racial preferences when it comes to dating or hooking up, but I don't think it's simply as black and white (Ha!) as that.

I think it can be as simple as a preference, but sometimes that preference can be born from racism. In the example photo, above, this Grindr user wrote, "Vanilla or spice, no chocolate or rice." He's presumably stating that white and Latinos are cool, but that black people and Asians need to fuck off. This guy seems like a racist douche. 

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Inappropriate Schadenfreude to Ashley Madison Hack

Inappropriate Schadenfreude to Ashley Madison Hack

There seems to be this gleeful reaction to all of the cheaters who were utilizing the services of the Ashley Madison website getting what was coming to them. I can understand the schadenfreude of snickering at their expense, but let's look a bit deeper into the impact this will have, and into whether the actions of the cheaters warranted what happened or the reactions of the general public. 

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So, You Think You Can BDSM?

So...you’ve heard about BDSM from some source or another, and you've found that it interested you. You might be excited by spanking or being spanked, tying someone up or being bound, submitting to someone or dominating, or somewhere in between on all of these. These three examples barely scratch the surface of all of the kink that falls under the BDSM label, but whatever your interest, you know the idea excites you.

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Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Sex Education

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Sex Education

I find it maddening that we still have some states in which abstinence-only education is the only "sex" education that kids receive. Then there are apparently only 13 states which are required to provide factually accurate sexual education. Just 13!

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Waste of Time: To Reply or Not to Reply?

Waste of Time: To Reply or Not to Reply?

You know, I can understand someone not being interested in talking to me. There are plenty of people with whom I have no interest in talking and it's not because I think there's anything wrong with them, necessarily. It's that I think we're incompatible in some way. Since that's how I feel, I don't take it personally when someone doesn't reply to my ice-breaker message on a chat app. I just move on. Hell, most of the time, I've forgotten that I even messaged them. Admittedly, I message a lot of guys and only a small fraction of them ever reply. Those who reply get my attention. Those who don't, don't.

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Traditional Gender Roles in LGBT (and Straight) Relationships

I was recently asked by someone who is bisexual, but who had never been in a same-sex relationship, a few questions about how things are supposed to work in a same-sex relationship, with regards to the traditional gender roles. The scenario presented was about who is expected to pay for dinner and who is the dominant one when it comes to sex. 

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Introducing Our BDSM Contributing Writer

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby! covers many areas of sexuality, and BDSM is no exception.  As a contributor to this site, and your source of BDSM content, I will do my best to present the issues regarding BDSM from a broad and factual perspective, covering the various kinks and issues involved. 

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Caught in the Act

A couple of days ago I was chatting with a guy named Anton on Hornet, which is an app much like Grindr, but less popular and less well-known. It's a gay dating or hookup app. The guy and I arranged to meet up at a park and had planned to have some dirty, filthy fun, but as I was on my way to meet him, he messaged me to say that he wouldn't have a lot of time because he had to help set up for an AA meeting. This would give us about a half hour of play time, by our estimates, depending on when I actually got to our meeting place.

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Unreasonable Expectations

Unreasonable Expectations

I just had this conversation, a little bit before 4 AM, with a guy who wanted me to come to his friend's house, where he's currently staying in a camper in the driveway. The guy is not out of the closet at all, and doesn't want me to park in front of the house, but instead pull on past it, then hop over a wooden fence - because I'm limber like that - and then go to the camper. The other option would be to sneak up onto the porch and walk around to the back to where the camper is parked. Although I could have sworn he said it was in the driveway; not around back. 

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Expectations After Coming Out as LGBT

I'm not going to tell you how to come out. I wish I could, but I think that process is different for everyone and it depends on too many variables for me to even begin to broach it. There are entire books written on that particular topic. Go read one of those. 

What I want to talk about is what you should expect from those to whom you have revealed your orientation or gender identity. I think too many of us have this expectation or insistence that others immediately accept us as we are. It's an unreasonable expectation.

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"Why do you have a bag over your head?" - Faceless Fuckers

"Why do you have a bag over your head?" - Faceless Fuckers

Every time I use Grindr or any other sort of dating or hookup app, I'm confronted with a plethora of headless torso pics; images of scenery; photos of walls, ceilings, plants, pets, cars, cartoon characters, or just plain blank spaces where their profile pic should be, interspersed among all of the regular profile photos. It's rather annoying.

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Nice Guy Entitlement Syndrome a.k.a. The "Friendzone"

I see it all the time, mostly in screenshots of chat exchanges between some friend of mine and the guy who is trying to hit on her. At the point that we get to see the screenshots, they've had an exchanging of a few messages, typically starting with him telling her how gorgeous she is. She'll reply back with a thank you of some sort, and he'll continue with the compliments. One or two messages after that, he's asking her to sit on his face.

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Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater

I frequently hear people ask if someone can be forgiven for their cheating. Can they be trusted again? I sadly, don't have a solid answer on that. But I have a few opinions on the matter.

Can you forgive them? That's up to you. I'm sure they're worthy of forgiveness. Hell, sometimes holding a grudge against someone harms you more than it harms the person for whom you are holding the grudge. I tend to be one that doesn't hold grudges. That's not to say that I completely forget about the transgression. If you've done me wrong, I may not still be pissed about it, but I'm not forgetting about it, entirely, either. It's a strike against you. So, if you're in a relationship with someone, and you've been together for a considerable amount of time and your partner cheats on you, you'll need to figure out whether that's a forgivable offense or not. Is it their first time doing this? Their 20th? Did they tell you tons of lies or bring home any diseases? Was it a "Wham-bam - Thank you ma'am!" thing, or an ongoing affair?  There are too many variables.

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LGBT Pride... Why "Pride"?

June is LGBT Pride month and that means a bunch of Pride events around the United States are taking place. The Seattle Pride Parade and Festival will be happening this weekend, and I'm looking forward to attending it with my friends. 

I often hear people griping that "pride" doesn't make sense when it comes to gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender people because they feel like pride is something you have in your accomplishments - you earn it - and it's not in just what you were born to be. The short-sightedness of this statement is in not recognizing that "pride" means more than just the pride in winning a trophy. It's really about not being ashamed of who we are, and not hiding. So, we have pride in ourselves and we will not hide in the closet because you feel like we're lesser than you. 

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Labels for (Mostly) Everyone

Please don't remove your labels. I know there seems to be this growing disdain for labels lately, to the point that the word "labels" is kind of becoming a buzzword of late, but labels aren't necessarily bad, or good. They're just descriptive terms. It's the stigma behind them which actually bothers people, for the most part. That and some people just happen to be so unique that no labels will actually stick to them very well. 

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"No" ALWAYS Means "No"

I don't generally agree with the whole "trigger warning" thing, but just to be on the safe side, in case I'm being obtuse about its need, I'm gonna give one. So, um... TRIGGER WARNING! I imagine you can tell from the Subject of this post what this is going to be about and, you know, if this is going to be too much for you, well, honestly, I still say you should try to read it. I'll excuse you, though, if it's too much for you. It probably won't be as bad as you think. 

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A Potentially Violent Close Call

I was on Grindr tonight, err, well, technically this morning, and looking to find some place to shove my cock. I managed to find someone who would be good enough. He wasn't fantastic looking, but he wasn't bad looking either, at least judging from his photo. 

I had talked to him a while back, but things didn't pan out. This time, we managed to arrange for a meet-up at his place. He gave me the address and I headed there. I let him know when I was pulling up to his house and, when I did pull up, it looked like every light in the house was off. I always view that as a red flag. 

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At-Home HIV Testing

I just used OraQuick, the oral at-home HIV test to make sure I'm still negative, and, as I suspected, I still am. There's always that tiny bit of anxiety over what the results might be, but I think I know enough POZ people, at least online, to not worry too much about a possible positive result. I know that most of my POZ friends live happy, healthy lives, so, were I to acquire the virus, I know I'd be okay and have the support of others. 

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Of Sex And Alcohol

I've had sex while drunk. I've also had sex with a drunk guy or two while I was also drunk. In some states, it is illegal to have sex with someone who is drunk. I don't know if it is still illegal if you are also drunk. For all I know, I may have committed a crime. I honestly couldn't tell you. 

The problem with combining alcohol with sex is that consent becomes a blurred line, and a blurred consent, or a slurred consent, isn't really consent at all. It would seem that if your state of mind leaves you incapable of signing a legal document, then you're very likely in no condition to give informed consent. 

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Happy Mother's Day

This is just a quick post in order to say Happy Mother's Day to those of you who are mothers... even if you're in a country which doesn't celebrate Mother's Day. If you're in one of those countries, which is probably all but the United States, take your "Happy Mother's Day" wishes and don't bitch about it not being a thing where you live. 

Also, let today be a reminder to all of the children of mothers that today you are celebrating the fact that your parents had sex, your dad definitely had an orgasm, your mom hopefully had one, and that you are a product of that event. So, congratulations on existing and managing to extricate yourself from that womb-prison. 

To all of the mothers, especially my own, even though she'll never see this, thank you for having had unprotected sex; putting up with nine-ish months of carrying us around without being able to put us down; then suffering through our seemingly incessant crying at the worst possible times; sacrificing your much needed sleep; feeding us; nurturing us, counting up to three, or ten, before punishing us; giving us hugs; wiping aware tears; and just plain putting up with us. You're awesome!